Trepidation. Also, Gah.

Tomorrow Brandon and I have an appointment with a doctor at the high risk clinic that delivered Oliver. I’m not really sure why we have this appointment exactly. It started because at my six week post partum checkup I asked my doctor about risk factors with the next pregnancy. I know already there’s no risk from what happened to him – his death was entirely a result of prematurity and bad luck. There’s no genetic dice we’re rolling by trying again; nothing like that (thank you Jesus). The only question that remains now is the how long to wait post c-section question.

I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned this before and am too tired (lazy!) to search but when they delivered Oliver they accidentally went through the front and back of my uterus (wheee. Also, whoops). So I have to behave as if I’ve had two csections now, not one, which means no VBAC for me. I was sad about this initially – I delivered my daughter naturally and loved it – but now it’s small potatoes in the grand scheme of things. Take the baby out of my nostril if that’s what you have to do – just please, God, let him or her be healthy and strong and full term.

Anyway, the question I asked was about how long to wait, and what the numbers are. I mean, there are tons of people out there who clearly have oops pregnancies a mere month or two after a csection – and they are fine usually, right? So how likely is uterine rupture to happen? How likely is it to happen if they don’t let you go into labour anyway? How likely is placenta previa to recur? Etc.

These are not questions a high risk doctor needs to answer I don’t think….but no one else seemed to want to answer them, and they are the ones who delivered him so….we go. I have mixed feelings on it. On one hand, I’d rather know from a high risk perspective what we’re dealing with here. On the other hand, these guys tend to brush off some things as being “minor” when in fact….they aren’t always. (They joked with me in the days leading up to Oliver’s birth that 32 weeks was pretty much full term anyway).

I put my faith in God, not doctors. But I do think that God uses the doctors so I won’t discount what they tell me and throw caution to the wind. I guess we’ll just see what everyone says tomorrow and go from there.

The only thing I’m kind of scared about is going back There. To that hospital. It’s not where Oliver died (thank heavens) – he died at the children’s hospital next door. But this is the hospital where he was born, and the hospital where I stayed for the weeks leading up to his birth. It’s going to be difficult I think. Is it inappropriate to get really drunk before one of these appointments? I’m just asking. After all, it’s not like I’m pregnant now. Okay maybe not.


2 responses to this post.

  1. I got pretty much the same answer. Prematurity, bad luck, multiple pregnancy. Which is lucky in a way but too inconclusive for my liking. However, given what I am looking for is a 100% cast-iron guarantee that this will never happen again I might well be looking for a long time.

    I’m so sorry that the doctors got a little over-enthusiastic regarding your C-section. I’m so sorry that it means a VBAC is out of the question. But I completely understand about the whole nostril-delivery thing. Seriously if it was safer, I’d give it a go!

    I don’t like going back to the hospital. I have been back to the hospital I delivered in and the hospital where my daughter died. Neither visit was particularly pleasant I have to say. It would not be inappropriate to get drunk! Well, maybe not from my (admittedly now slightly twisted) point of view.

    What can I say but Gah. I hope it all goes well and that the doctors can give you some reassurance.


  2. I’m sorry for your loss…Today is one month since our loss and I am already thinking about when I can try again.

    I felt the same panic about going back to the hospital where my son died…I don’t think I can. And my 6 week post op is coming up and I am also panicked about going back to my OB/GYN. I feel like I want to put all of it behind me and say good riddance….but it’s denial more than anything else.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: