My gracious but I have been gone a long time haven’t I? Life has been a ridiculous chase the last while, culminating in the last almost two weeks being spent out of town. It was a good time though – we were out for my brother in law’s wedding – which was a very good time and a beautiful day. AND (do I get to brag for a minute?) Anika was the flower girl and did a SMASHING job of it. I thought she’d panic but she cheerfully agreed to hold the bridesmaid’s hand and walked down with her. She tried to hide behind the bridesmaid’s hand a couple of times but she did really really well. It was funny though, I kept telling her that daddy would be at the front of the church and that I would scoop her up when she got there, so not to worry. Only problem was, daddy got his hair cut that morning – and he hadn’t cut it in like a YEAR, so it was really long before – and she didn’t see him post haircut. So she spent half the service looking for daddy (the best man) and not finding him until he turned around to sign the register and faced her. Then there was a very loud “THERE’S MY DADDY!!!”

So funny.

Anyway, when last I wrote I was angsting over whether or not to acknowlege my old friend’s pregnancy or not (GLARGH). I….well. So the first thing that happened was my mother (God love her), called me to tell me that she’s offered to HOST A BABY SHOWER FOR HER. For crying out loud. I was….not angry but not happy – kind of in that place where you really just want to slam your face into a pillow and laugh at the utter ridiculousness of the situation. Sigh. So I knew it would be AWKWARD if I didn’t go, so….I go. I guess. Sometime in January. Or something. I don’t know. GAH. Anika is SO coming with me and I am going to sit in a corner with her and make fun of people. It will be FINE. (Or I’ll run away to the computer to post minute by minute posts up here).

Then she emailed me on facebook to “officially” tell me her news, and it’s great – I am truly happy for her, and I’m delighted that it happened for them. I responded and basically said congrats; chatted about a few things she’d mentioned and then just said I’d missed her this year. I haven’t heard anything since. I still don’t know how I feel about it all but I guess I’m getting thrown into it no matter what. C’est la vie.

In other news, we finally picked up Oliver’s remains. It was hard but I feel good about it I think. I’m glad we did it. I don’t know what we will do with it now – it’s a little pewter heart urn, and it sits in a box that had a plaque in it with a passage from psalms that we liked. The heart just has his name on it…’s too small to fit anything else there. I…like it? I guess? I actually have an easier time thinking of it as an “it” now than I did before. Before I kept getting tangled up in “it” vs. “him” and now, seeing it….it is very clearly an “it”. It is not my baby.

Otherwise we are just catching up here. Trying to make sense of the world and reclaim my house from wedding unpacking chaos. Once I get some photos downloaded I will share a picture of Ani in her wedding finery.

Hope everyone in blogland is okay; I’ve been totally internet-less for two weeks or so – must catch up!


4 responses to this post.

  1. Aw bless Anika. What a brave girl. I have seen so many little flower girls crumple and panic when their big moment came! And it’s too cute that she was looking for her daddy.

    God love your mother. GLARGH indeed. Well I guess that sorted that little dilemmma out for you as you can’t really ignore her now. Well, you could in theory but in practice it would be a bit awkward. I completely understand that feeling of slamming your face into a pillow. Definitely post minute by minute if it is all too dire, I will be with you in spirit making fun of people!

    I’m glad you feel good about having Oliver’s remains back with you. The urn sounds beautiful. I still get a bit confused about the whole “it” / “her” thing, as you know. Just another sign of the impending loss of my mind! xo


  2. Oh my. GLARGH is so, so right. I’m so sorry-I wish you could still ignore the shower. I am sort of a bad person, I think, because my initial thought was, sounds like a good time to get the “flu.” 🙂 Just kidding.
    Sort of.
    The urn thing-the him vs. it. I so get it. I have my two tiny urns inside their memory box. I don’t seem to feel any real “attachment” to them, and I always wonder if I should. But you are right-it’s not your baby.
    Good to get an update from you!
    Christy W


  3. Wow, I can’t believe what has unfolded with the “friend/baby” issue. Yikes…I can’t believe your mother offered to throw her a baby shower. I’m a little speechless, so I can only imagine how you feel about it all.

    I can’t wait to see pics of your little flowergirl, i’m sure she looked stunning. I’m sure the holiday was a nice break from life.

    You’ll find a special place for Oliver. It sounds like you are in a better frame of mind in term of his ashes and having him back home with you. I hope you continue to find peace in that.



  4. Uhmmm, kind of strange about the baby shower thing…did I miss something? You were not angry but not happy…hmmm, you are such a bigger person than I am.

    Your litrle princess is a certified princess now…didn’t we all want to be flower girls when we were young ..maybe that was my dream. Great memories for her I am sure.

    The “it” “him” thing…yeah, I think I know where you are coming from…big hugs.


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