Baby Shower: Wheeeee.

So I am here, at my parents house, cheerily helping my mother and my old friend’s mother get ready for the baby shower that we are throwing her on Saturday. Have not seen old friend – she doesn’t live here. To recap for those who are new here, this girl was my best friend in the world from, oh, birth until sometime after university where circumstances and life more than anything kind of pulled us in different directions. (She moved up north and married a guy up there; I went to Boston for awhile). This is the friend who was in my wedding, and I in hers. This is also the friend who – despite knowing what had happened – did not call, write, email, or otherwise acknowledge Oliver’s death.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t struggling with this. We all have these stories – of friends or family who let us down in spectacular ways after losing our kids. I should be thankful, I suppose, that the person who let me down in this case wasn’t someone I counted on as part of my regular support network.

Anyway. My mom offered to host the shower because of the friendship with her mom, and I totally get that – and support it. It’s why I’m here really. But it doesn’t change the fact that I am dreading Saturday, at least a little bit. I hope it will be better than I thought it would be.

So; I am here making cookies and asparagus rolls and trying to amuse my three year old. It’s not all bad by any stretch – it’s nice to spend some time with my family and we took Ani to the science museum today which was a lot of fun. I just feel like there’s this shadow growing over Saturday and I’m trying so hard not to be swallowed by it. I keep getting hit with random stuff like “(friend) has only gained 18lbs!” or “Friend refuses to eat any processed food while she’s pregnant.” GREAT. Good for her. Or something.

I need suggestions people – I can’t drink, (what with the pregnant thing – which continues to go pretty well I think, by the way) and I need to figure out a way to get through this. I’m open to anything – ideas? Conversationally bringing up my dead son with all of the shower guests? (Nah, no reason to dishonor him or be rude really – that’s not fair). Surreptitiously grind up some really processed lunch meat and add it to the crab dip?

Agh. I don’t want to be rude really; I am being snarky here but it’s not what I want to do in real life. I just want to get through it without feeling let down again. But I’m not sure what I want from her either. An acknowledgment I guess. For her to say “Hey, I’m sorry this happened to you – it sucks.” Something anyway….not nothing.

Anyone live in the GTA and feel like crashing a baby shower?? There will be crab dip and snark!

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4 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Catherine W on February 5, 2010 at 8:10 pm

    I wish I could have crashed the baby shower! We could have lurked in the corner together giving everyone the evil eye! Was thinking of you today.

    I couldn’t come up with anything better than the addition of some really evil processed luncheon meat to the crab dip! Genius. The random stuff is so hard, I’m surprised by how it STILL takes me unaware and unprepared even after all this time. I just can’t put up with that whole ‘she’s not eating any processed food’ type chit chat, it just drives me to distraction. Whoop de doo and good for her pretty much sums up my response to all those type statements.

    I’m sorry that your friend didn’t acknowledge Oliver’s death. It’s difficult, I know that people don’t know what to say but . . . argh, I find it very hard to just forget that they didn’t say ANYTHING at all. That a person who meant so much to me didn’t even warrant a sentence or a card from them.

    Glad that the pregnant thing is going well and that Ani enjoyed the Science Museum. I hope it wasn’t too awful today, I’m sure you must have been wincing to yourself at some points but I hope it wasn’t all bad. xx

    Reply

  2. GTA? Are you in Ontario? If so, how did I not know this? Sadly, if I could be there to help you crash it…err, help you get through the day, I would. There isn’t much you can do. Put on the fakest smile and keep is going all day long. You will hurt inside, you will be angry i’m sure. I’m sorry she wasn’t the friend she should have been for you, and I just hope that she has better friends to support her then she has been to you. Good luck! *hugs*

    Reply

  3. I so would’ve been there. I would’ve loved to crash it. And I was thinking since we’re both pregnant we could have pretended to get drunk and make everyone stare and whisper. But that would be so rude, right?
    Glad you got through it šŸ™‚ Good luck!

    Reply

  4. GTA? Huh? Maybe, too late now anyway.

    I wonder if she felt uncomfortable speaking about Oliver? Good luck…

    Reply

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