And she lived to tell the tale.

I totally survived the baby shower. I ROCKED the damn baby shower. Okay, maybe not. But really it was fine in the end. It could have been a lot weirder than it was, I think.

Everyone had a good time; there were no silly games (apologies to those who enjoy silly games at baby showers – I do not. I feel that doing things like guessing how long a piece of string needs to be to fit around the pregnant person cannot POSSIBLY win you any friends. But that is my hang up.). There was some silly discussion (“My baby won’t even EAT white bread!”) and things that had me rolling my eyes, but overall it was fine. We even did talk about Oliver a bit at the end, and that was okay too – the truth is I *like* talking about him; I *like* bringing him up. I don’t always do it with the most grace, but you know – I think I’m even getting better at that as time goes on.

You know what? I think we should leave the baby shower conversation in the dust now :). I feel like I’ve done a totally crappy job of explaining why it was hard or why I was having trouble with it, and….anyway. It doesn’t really matter. It’s over; it wasn’t so bad. I didn’t get the thing I guess I was secretly hoping for (something along the lines of “Gee christy, I wanted to tell you how sorry I am about that but it didn’t seem right to do in email or on the phone so I waited until I saw you in person” from my friend) but in my more magnanimous moments I can fully appreciate that baby death is bloody hard for a lot of people – as it should be – and maybe some people simply can’t figure out what to do or say.

In other news, this pregnancy is still ticking along and I remain so impossibly hopeful that things are going to go well this time. We have the Big Scans next week – anatomy scan in which they will make darn sure to really examine the placenta, and then a cardiac exam in which I am HOPING to find out there is no problem. The heart defect Oliver had carries something like a less than 1% chance of recurrence, but you know – once you’ve beaten the odds the wrong way you kind of hate to count on them too much. Oh, and we should find out if the pea is a boy or a girl. I can’t decide for sure what I think – this pregnancy is much more like my pregnancy with my daughter in terms of symptoms and things, but I don’t know.

Anyway, the scans are Feb 16. (And yes, for those following along at home, that is the day after what should have been Oliver’s first birthday. Wicked!) I definitely appreciate any and all prayers, good wishes, positive vibes, and anything else any of you want to throw out there in the universe for us. To be clear, what we’re shooting for here is:

* NO placenta previa. No no and a thousand times no.

* NO placenta accreta (apparently a fun thing you get to also worry about after a previous previa and c section).

* NO heart defects.

* NO abnormalities, issues, chromosomal problems, anything else (to be clear, Oliver didn’t have any of these – I just figure if we’re wishing for stuff lets go big, yes?).

What we are going for is a completely normal healthy placenta with a healthy full term (eventually) baby attached to it. Amen.

So hey, a couple of you asked me the GTA question last time. The answer is, sort of! I am in Ontario, yes. I live in a city that rhymes with Shmottawa now (HAH! I’m so secretive. Please don’t stalk me or hunt down my daughter okay? Do feel free to drop by for coffee if you like.), but my parents are still east of Toronto, and that’s where the baby shower was.

I shall report back after the scans on the 16th……..eeeep.


2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Salma on February 9, 2010 at 10:38 pm

    I swear I thought about you so much on Saturday, I am glad it went well. We never know what people are thinking, it sucks being the parent without the child, but I don’t know much about the other side. Oh well.

    I can’t wait for your report. And why the heck haven’t you send any baby dust my way huh?


  2. Yay, i’m so glad the showere went off without a hitch. You don’t need to explain why it was hard, it was. I understand, and i’m sure others do too.

    You crack me with your answer on where you live. 🙂 Don’t worry, you are too far from me to stalk. Kidding…well not kidding on the too far away part. Either way, e-mail me at
    My family all lives East of Toronto, I grew up there actually. I don’t live there anymore, but still.

    Can’t wait to hear the great update from your ultrasounds. Are you guys finding out the gender?



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