It’s a good day for cake.

I’ve been looking for the right words for this post since Monday and now it is Wednesday. So fail I think, yes?

Monday would have been Oliver’s first birthday. Monday was one year since we had him. One year ago from right now he was alive. How is that even possible? It feels like such a dream sometimes, except when I remember holding him, or what it felt like to kiss his head, or how intensely he looked at me with his huge dark eyes. I miss him so much but at the same time it feels so good and so right to set him free. To let be what was; to let him go willingly to God instead of feeling like I’m fighting all the time, clawing at the parts of him I’m so desperate to hang onto. To not forget.

I think though, what I’ve realized is that I’m not forgetting. Letting him go isn’t forgetting. Letting him go is simply allowing what *is* to happen anyway…..and in doing so, to take joy in who he was and in what he meant to us and what he *will* mean to us and to our family.

Monday we made a birthday cake. My mom and dad were here, and we invited our friends (A, A, and two kids) to come over. The female A, one of my very best friends (and my rock this past year), couldn’t make it but her husband came anyway and brought the kids. Brandon was cutting the cake for everyone and he looked at me and said “Should we say anything?” I was like “Oh HECK no” because lets face it – what a great way to make me lose it completely. My friend’s husband looked up and smiled and said simply “It’s a good day for cake.”

It was perfect.

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2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Kristy on February 17, 2010 at 6:58 pm

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY Oliver!!! What a very special day indeed. *hugs*

    Reply

  2. What a beautiful post and what beautiful words, “it’s a good day for cake.”

    I know that Oliver brought you so much joy and that he will always be with you. You are an amazing mama Christy. xo

    Reply

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